Welcome to this page written with you in mind.

If you are someone who lives with and loves someone with Aspergers or are the Mum of a young adult on the Autism Spectrum, you have come to the right place.

Here is where you will find support and understanding gained from over 30 years living and breathing autism.

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is a life-long developmental condition affecting social and communication skills. People on the ‘spectrum’ can also have accompanying learning disabilities, however, whatever their general level of functioning, everyone with the condition shares a difficulty in making sense of the world.

Asperger’s syndrome  (AS) was only recognised in the 1990’s and until quite recently only diagnosed in young children.

What has become more obvious in the last few years is that there are great many people who have AS and have not been  diagnosed.  With the greater knowledge of diagnostic criteria in AS, these people have recognised in themselves, the symptoms and behaviours of AS, perhaps after having a child diagnosed with AS.

aspie love

There are, therefore, many women in long term relationships with AS men, (AS appears to be more prevalent in males) who finally have answers to why the relationship has been so difficult.

It can be a huge relief to finally have an explanation for the difficulties that a lot of these relationships have suffered over many years.

According to Professor Tony Attwood, a world expert on all things autism, Aspergers is as varied as the NT population, so while there are characteristics in common, every person with Asperger’s is different.

Below I have listed some of the terms you will find used in this website.

On the pages and posts of this blog you will find some words that you will soon become familiar with, and so I wanted to give you a heads up on some of them here.

It is not my intention to provide information about diagnostic criteria in AS. My aim is to provide general information and resources that will then point you to the loads of information  available elsewhere about Autism, Asperger’s syndrome and ASD.

If you are a woman with a partner with AS, I do encourage you to read and research as much as possible to know as much as you can about AS.

I believe that knowledge leads to understanding and with understanding you can make better choices for yourself your children and for your relationship.

Useful terms used here.

I want to be clear here about the terms you will find when reading through the posts on this blog.

ASD – Autism Spectrum Disorder,

AS – Asperger’s Syndrome

Aspie, often used as a shortened term for someone with Asperger’s syndrome.

NT – Neurotypical, often used to describe someone with so called ‘normal neurological wiring’ and who does not have AS.

NT partner, Neurotypical partner of someone with AS.

Mind Blindness . Perspective taking involves the ability to understand the thoughts of others (Baron-Cohen, 1995).

Theory of mind (ToM) is a cognitive function that allows us to depict the psychological states (thoughts and beliefs) of others and to separate them from our thoughts. It is the ability to know that others have different thoughts from ours.

Some of my favourite Books on Autism and Asperger’s

Check out these titles, packed with useful information to help understand Asperger’s syndrome and relationships.

I will be adding more resources over time so visit this page regularly.

The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome – Tony Attwood.

tony attwoodIn my opinion the definitive book on Asperger’s syndrome from Professor Tony Attwood. Packed full of practical information. Very useful chapter on relationships with someone with Asperger’s.




Alone Together-Making an Asperger’s Marriage work – Katrin Bentley

bentleyKatrin Bentley tells her story about her relationship with her Aspie husband, Gavin. She relates the  impact that living with him has had on her and her family. It is an easy  to read book, which I found inspirational because it tells readers what life is really like when one of the partners has AS. Katrin provides plenty of practical tips throughout the book to understand and communicate with and enrich the relationship between the Aspie partner and the NT spouse.


The Partner’s guide to Asperger’s Syndrome – Susan Moreno, Marci Wheeler and Kealah Parkinson

partners guideThe authors have provided a comprehensive how to guide to understanding and living with someone with AS. There are examples of couples who illustrated the topics covered in a very real way. This book is packed full of tips and tools to help understand your AS spouse, and to help you to communicate better, and so improve the relationship.


Connecting with your Asperger’s partner –  Louise Weston

louise westonLouise’s book talks to the needs of the NT partner, in a AS/NT partnership. She provides insights from her relationship with her husband Graham, who has AS. The book is essentially a relationship manual to help both partners understand the other’s  expectations and perspective, as well as providing advice to learn to create intimacy and help heal the relationship.


The Aspergers Couples workbook – Maxine Aston

maxine astonMaxine Aston, author of Aspergers in Love, has created this workbook to help couples where one of the partners has Asperger Syndrome deal with the difficulties that may arise in their relationship. She provides practical ideas and exercises to illustrate the differences in thinking that can cause challenges in NT/AS Relationships. This is a very useful book to have in your library.

Useful Links

Different Together: Different Together is a safe, supportive and understanding community for the partners of people affected by Asperger Syndrome (AS) Packed with loads of useful resources and stories from women in their own words.



Jessica Kingsley Publishers have a huge array of  titles on Autism, Asperger’s and ASD so use the link provided to visit their page.

The books listed above are available at Jessica Kingsley Publishers



Altogether Autism

Altogether autism provides resources and information about autism spectrum conditions in NZ

Autism NZ

Autism NZ website, useful resources, links and articles on ASD.

Take the AQ test

Psychologist Simon Baron-Cohen and his colleagues at Cambridge’s Autism Research Centre have created the Autism-Spectrum Quotient, or AQ, as a measure of the extent of autistic traits in adults.

ASPIRES  Asperger’s partners, individuals,resources encouragement and support. Online support, with loads of resources, articles and information.

Families of Adults Affected by Aspergers Syndrome

Website providing resources, articles case studies and lots of information and contacts for families.

Oasis@ MAAP the online Asperger Syndrome information and support centre

Great online resource for AS info.

ASPIA, Aspergers Syndrome partner support and information. Website for partners with details for support groups in Australia.

Do you have any favourite ASD books  or website links you have found particularly useful?

email me and I will add your suggestions here.

Disclaimer:I do not have any affiliation to any of the groups or websites listed on this page, I simply wish to share the information provided so you can use the resources.



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