What the heck has Julie been up to?

H and welcome, Its been a little while!

Life has changed!

Life has changed quite a lot for me, and I want to share a bit of what has been happening for me, right here.

At the end of last year I started hearing via blogs and social media, that the amazing Leonie Dawson (author, entrepreneur and all round cool chick!) had started a DoTERRA essential oils business!

At first I was pretty skeptical, however after doing a bit of my own research, I decided, if Leonie is doing this, it must be a great idea, and so I jumped in boots and all!

Since then I have been flat out learning lots of new stuff, setting up my own DoTERRA business and sharing the oils and what I have learned.

So what does that mean for you?

Well the upside of it is that I have now got a beautiful extra side to my coaching and wellness business, where I can now share and teach others about the amazing benefits of including essential oils in their lives.

I share the life changing philosophies of Louise Hay AND teach you how use DoTERRA essential oils to support you to have more of the life you dream of.

So what is so great about using DoTERRA Essential oils?

Doterra Home Essentials Kit
DoTerra Home Essentials Kit

Remember how I said I was pretty skeptical about using oils? I come from a nursing background and so this stuff was kind of ‘woo woo’ in my book!

I am happy to say though, that I have been able to swallow my skepticism, as for me, using them has made all the difference in the world!

Learning to use these incredible oils has given me the power to support my emotional, physical and spiritual health and that of my family, naturally!

For me that is wonderful. Life certainly has changed.

Our Story

The most profound way using these oils has impacted my life is actually more about my daughter than me.

My girl (shes actually 32!) has high needs autism and bipolar type 2, which basically means that she has a very high degree of anxiety and stress in her life every single day, just getting through the day can be really hard on the not so good days.. which obviously can then transfer into my life as well.

I introduced her to essential oils by giving her a Peace Touch Roller  to try.

Wow! for me this has become ‘Liquid gold” in our house. The effect on her really has really been amazing. It is calming and relaxing. I have seen her go from huge anxiety and 2 steps away from ‘meltdown’ ( imagine, red face, angry, tears, inability to think straight!) to calm and relaxed after using it.

Wow! it really has been amazing for her.

She now uses her oils in the same way as we previously used calming medication, daily, several times a day and at night for sleep, so for her it has been life changing.

For myself, I have found that using the oils in my own life has allowed me move forward to a better way of living. I am so delighted to have the ability to support myself and my family in a healthier and more natural way.

Just this last week, I have had a full blown head cold, which for me in the past has often led to bronchitis, and being unwell for at least a week.

I have been vigilant in using the immune boosting oils and ‘Easy Air’ and ‘On Guard’ and my diffuser have been my best friends. I can confidently say I am nearly over it, in a couple of days.. and no bronchitis.

Yay!! for me that is huge.

So, whats next?

Well, I am sharing my story and sharing ‘the oils’ so that others can get some of these gorgeous gifts in their lives.

Till next time

Stay well

Be happy

Julie x

Disclaimer: All the opinions expressed in this blog are my own. I do not offer medical advice.I urge you to carry out your own your own research when deciding if using Essential oils are right for you and your family.

Forgiveness – a gift to yourself

‘How can I forgive when it still hurts so much’?

You know how sometimes it feels so hard to forgive someone who has hurt you, or treated you badly? Or how difficult it is to get over something that you feel has made your life so much harder? You feel so justified in your anger, so self righteous with your pain and anguish, and so upset over whatever the incident is that has caused you so much grief? This can be especially challenging, if you have been hurt repeatedly and this is just another incident that has added to your pain.

Anger and frustration become ‘stuck energy’, and you can’t seem to let them go no matter how hard you try. You find yourself mulling over the incident or the ‘story’ of what happened, and with each telling the pain is worse.

I know how that feels, as I also have felt like that at different times in my life. I know the pain of rejection and the pain of feeling like you will never ever be able to move on from this overwhelming feeling of hurt and upset. You go round and round in circles and end up feeling worse and worse.

What I also know is that long term anger and resentment is destructive if not addressed.

Our emotions are neither good or bad, they are what they are, it is how we deal with them that causes problems.

For example, If you don’t deal with your anger in appropriate ways and keep stuffing it down or away,  it eats away at you from the inside out, and eventually, (speaking from my own experience) comes back to bite you on the backside, often in the form of depression and anxiety or stress related illnesses.

So what is the solution?

The solution sounds simple although it truly can be one of the most difficult lessons we have to learn.

The solution is forgiveness.

  • forgive the person who hurt you,
  • forgive the situation that occurred and continues to cause you pain.
  • forgive yourself

As Louise Hay says in her book ‘You Can Heal Your Life’, ‘forgiveness is about setting yourself free, because, by holding on to resentment and anger we only hurt ourselves. No matter how justified we feel we are to have our resentments and hatreds it still hurts us. We cannot bring good into our worn lives as long as we are sitting in our prisons of self-righteous resentment.

For our spiritual growth we must rise about our need to stay hurt and let go of the past.

Forgiveness is truly a gift to yourself. And miracles happen when we forgive or are willing to forgive.’

Below you can listen to Louise sharing a wonderful meditation that will guide you through an exercise which will help you to release old anger and hurt and move on to forgiveness.

I love this gift from Louise, it truly is powerful and healing meditation, and I hope you will love it as much as I do.

Take the time to listen, and notice how wonderful you feel at the end.

Until next time

Julie x

 

Top 2 lessons for InsideOut Loving

Lessons for InsideOut Loving

Regular readers of this blog will know that last year I completed my ‘Heal your life’ Workshop leader training in beautiful Port Macquarie Australia.

For me, this was a life changing week, filled with fun and laughter, and tons of ‘aha’ moments. It was a chance to learn more about the wonderful life-enhancing lessons of Louise Hay,as well as an amazing opportunity to meet with so many other women who are on the same journey as me.

I feel so privileged to be able to share some of these lessons with you.

Lesson No 1

That week taught me among other things, that I am absolutely ok exactly as I am, I do not need to change anything, I am lovable and worthy of love – full stop.

While this might sound a bit ‘woo woo’ to some people, I think this is a very important lesson for us all to learn.

Until we learn to love and accept ourselves, warts and all, we always feel like we are ‘lacking’ in some way. It can feel like we are always second guessing ourselves, always critical and judgemental of what we do and who we are.

It feels like we can never able to reach that pinnacle of ‘good enough’.

Good enough for what?

The latest fashion trends, the best income? the flashest car? nicest house?? the best behaved children?? These are all outside things which can be transient and ever changing depending on what society dictates.

I learned that it is ok to be me. Boy what a relief that is!

Lesson No 2

I learned that when you let go of negative beliefs about yourself,and the world around you, and let go of self-criticism, and judgement, you also let go of the gnawing ache of never feeling enough.

When you understand yourself, what you love, what brings you joy, what makes you happy, life becomes different in a whole new way.

You learn to draw a line around yourself to protect yourself from draining people and situations.

When you learn to access and trust your own intuition, and listen to your heart,simple joy becomes an integral part of your life every day.

In fact you learn to be your own best friend!

Coming up in August!

A very special event to help you to Be your own Best Friend

 

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InsideOut Loving – Be Your Own Best Friend

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6 Keys for Success in Asperger/Neurotypical Relationships.

Misunderstandings, Miscommunications and Assumptions

When you live with and love someone on the Autism Spectrum, life is often full of misunderstandings, miscommunications and assumptions. Resentment and frustration on both sides can build up over a long period of time and without help the inevitable relationship breakdown will occur.

The difficulty comes when the NT partner (neurotypical) ”assumes that what she says is understood, in the same way that the AS (Asperger) partner assumes that his communication is understood as well. Unfortunately this can often NOT be the case….

The issue was explained to me in this way.cricket player

Think of the game of cricket.

In that game, common English language words are used, words which can have completely different meaning in the world of cricket, rather than in the real world…

Words like maiden, century, over, duck, and many other more obscure ones. These words when used in the context of cricket, have a particular meaning and unless you have a knowledge of the game you might be forgiven for wondering what for example, ‘bowling a maiden over’ might mean! Sounds painful right?

The thing is, that anyone who knows the game, knows what the words mean and so there is no misunderstanding about them. The assumption is that you know what the words mean in that context, therefore you can make sense of the game.

Now, my point here is that in the communication between NT partner and AS partner, unless each partner clearly understands what the any given words or conversations mean in a given context, there is a huge potential for misunderstanding.

Beware of assumptions!

As NT partners, we assume the AS partner understands what is going on. What we do sometimes fail to realise, is that the AS partner has, for years possibly, managed to hide his difficulty behind his high IQ and has learned coping strategies to support him in his communication.

He may shut down, deflect, walk away, ignore or change the subject, in order to not have to admit that he really does not know what is being asked of him. (commonly called a defense mechanism)

It is only when specifically asked, he ‘may’ admit he does not really know what is being asked of him or what the conversation is actually about.

Add to this that when he is stressed and anxious ( which happens a lot of the time) it magnifies the difficulty.

It can be mind blowing for the NT partner to realise the depth of the challenges to communication that her partner faces.

Added to this is the defensive behaviour that the AS partner has learned over time, which effectively ends the conversation and allows the AS partner to get back to doing his own thing and so avoiding the interaction which is so difficult for him.

Interactions like this become a minefield, as issues are not get resolved and resentment, blame and anger become more and more prevalent along with the increasing the frustration and sense of invisibility the NT partner faces daily.

There are no easy answers.

There are no easy answers to improve the situation. In order to be successful, research has shown that several key things must be present.

  1. It is crucial that both partners agree and commit  to try and work together, to make things better between them. No easy ask when the Asperger partner often is unable to articulate what he is thinking or feeling and the effort required can just be too big to face.
  2. There must be support from a counsellor or therapist well versed in understanding the nuances of an AS/NT relationship, and ongoing effects this can have on both partners, though particularly on the emotional well being of the NT partner.Sometimes the sadness, frustration and inevitable loneliness can be too much to bear and the relationship ends.
  3. The NT partner must limit their expectations of the AS partner, which becomes mind – numbingly difficult as it means they ( the NT partner) carry more than their fair share of the work of the relationship, as well as the rest of the responsibility of young children finances and juggling that comes with family and work life..
  4. There must be understanding on both sides of Aspergers syndrome and it’s effects on relationships.
  5. Both partners must agree to give each other the benefit of the doubt, when conflict arises. Often pretty challenging as usually the Aspie partner tends to think in a negative way and become defensive.
  6. Do not accept abuse of any kind from your Aspie partner. It is often the default response for the person with aspergers to get defensive and angry when he does not understand or accept what is being said. Just know you do not have to tolerate this behaviour. Learn to set firm boundaries around what you are willing to accept. Stay safe and walk away from abuse. Call for a time out until you both have calmed down.

I hope this article has been useful, and you find some tips that help you to understand and improve the relationship with your Aspie partner.

Simple Soul Care Rituals to enrich your life

Simple Soul Care Rituals – What are they?

Most of us thrive on simple routines. Think about your morning routine, I bet you would never leave the house without cleaning your teeth or combing your hair? I am also willing to bet that sometimes you don’t even remember doing those things, yet they obviously get done!

Use this idea to your advantage!

Create some Simple Soul Care Rituals that will nurture you and support you – after all, you are important, you are seen and you are visible!

Simple Soul Care Rituals can sustain us when we are feeling out of whack or not quite ourselves.They can become the activities that we do without thinking, and all the while the benefits of doing them can impact hugely on our lives.

By learning to do these Simple Soul Care Rituals as suggested in the video below, you will notice that you FEEL better, FEEL calmer and more present.

I believe it is so important to learn ways to nurture ourselves, to create time to think and process what is for most of us is a hectic, and busy life. Once you have a regular Simple Soul Care Ritual in place you will find that your stress levels will decrease, and you learn to handle stress in a better calmer way.

Life does not need to be a continual lurching from crisis to crisis. Life needs to be filled with joy at the simple things. Learning Simple Soul Care rituals is about giving you and your mind – the space to see and appreciate that simplicity.

Watch the video here:

 

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Sent with love and light

Julie x

 

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Join the

Heal Your Life Louise L Hay Hawkes Bay Meetup Group

Come along and join me in a safe nurturing environment while we share discussion and ideas based on the  philosophies of Louise Hay.

These monthly gatherings will allow you to :

– learn new ways to find more joy and abundance in your life

-learn to love and nurture yourself

-realise how how amazing you are

-release limiting thoughts/beliefs that hold you back

-learn simple ways to relieve stress and feel happier immediately

-understand how your body and mind are connected

-meet others on the same wonderful journey.

What to bring: Journal/notebook, pen, sense of humour, an open mind and heart.

tea and coffee will be provided.

Monthly on the 4th Tuesday of each month.

Follow this link to sign up today.

 

 

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Zero empathy sucks!

Zero Empathy sucks!

If you are in a relationship with someone with Aspergers, you will know the pain of zero empathy.

Most experts will agree that Zero Empathy is a feature of Autism Spectrum Conditions, and limited or zero empathy is one of the most difficult aspects of these conditions.

What is Empathy anyway?

The inability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and know how they feel, is a simple description of empathy. People on the autism spectrum often struggle with this, and it can lead to misunderstandings, and often traumatic painful ongoing experiences for the family members on the receiving end of zero empathy.

What does Zero Empathy feel like?

It’s that gut wrenching feeling of disconnect, when you have tried so hard to stay connected, maintain the relationship and you realise there is no connection. Probably never was…

It’s when you offer to share a special moment with your aspie loved one and it falls flat, because they don’t see the significance of your joy in sharing it.

That moment when you need support from your Aspie loved one, and he completely ignores you for the sports news on TV.

It’s that loneliness that seeps into your bones when you finally realise that your aspie partner is wired differently and does not need or want the emotional connection you crave.woman-1008690_1920

Those times you have cried yourself to sleep when yet another unresolved dispute is left hanging and you realise there is just no way to resolve it and you know the next day will be as if it never happened.

These moments are frequent and excruciatingly painful, and often without the expert help of some one who knows AS/NT relationships in depth, can snowball, and leave you feeling crazy and overwhelmed with no way to resolve or redress the problem, as the person with aspergers cannot understand what the problem is.

You begin to question your own judgement and your own reality and think you are actually crazy!

It can be hard to understand what exactly empathy is, and if you have lived without it for so long, you may not be able to recognise it, so I thought it would be helpful to have an expert explain it to us.

Below is a short cartoon, narrated by the gorgeous Dr Brene Brown, on the subject of empathy. 

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Enjoy,

Julie x

The Magic of Believing in Yourself

Time alone

‘The Magic of Believing in Yourself’

comes from learning to listen, to go quiet and trust yourself, when the outside stuff is loud overwhelming and hard to ignore.

‘The Magic of Believing in Yourself’ comes from identifying the negative messages you grew up with, realizing they are untrue, and then creating new beliefs that sustain and support you instead of causing you endless grief, anguish and stress all the while limiting you in your life.

The Magic of Believing in Yourself comes from letting yourself be seen, and heard, even though that may mean being vulnerable, getting hurt or worse.

How many of us really know how to quiet the mind, step away from society’s expectations of us, and really listen to what your heart and intuition is saying to us?

The answers are there, if we know where to look, and learn how to listen.

We live in such a busy world where we are given so many subtle messages about how to live, what to wear, what to eat, for breakfast lunch and dinner, and what sort of car we ‘should’ be driving, how to raise our kids, even how we ‘should’ be feeling, ….yadda yadda yadda!

It is so hard to keep the gnawing anxiety at bay when you just don’t feel good enough, thin enough, pretty enough…

All these messages can be overwhelming in the extreme, we begin to feel we are never enough, never keep up, never  be ok!

Today my message to you, is to take some time to just BE.

Allow yourself some time to sit quietly, ideally outside, however inside in a quiet space is great as well.

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Close your eyes and notice your breathing, and just listen….

What do you hear?

As I am sitting here writing this, what I hear in the background is my little companion Bella snoring her little heart out! animals certainly know how to just ‘be’, so lets take a lesson from our pets and take some time out to just BE.

Begin to do this practice on a  regular basis and notice the beautiful difference.

The added bonus of making some space and listening, is that you will gradually start to hear more of what your intuition is saying.

You will start to hear the wisdom of your intuition.

Are you listening?

You are a beautiful, capable woman being the absolute best you be can so …

Believe it!

Your affirmation for today is:

‘I am beautiful, I am capable and I am being the best me I am.’

Sent with Love and Light

Julie x

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Who are you Janice and Sarah?

Who are you Janice and Sarah?

Recently I have made lots of changes to Julie Rowlands Coaching website, including creating two separate areas for the women I love to support – and  to help change lives.

Women with Asperger partners, who struggle with low self esteem, poor self confidence and the ongoing consequences of living in a challenging relationship long term,

AND

Mid life women who struggle to move into the next part of life, after years of child rearing and family life, when the kids have left home, and life is very different.

These two areas can appear quite different on the outside, however the issues are remarkably similar even though the cause is different.

Let me explain…

Meet Janice:

Janice is 52, a trained nurse, married and living at home with her husband. she works part time at the local hospital. Both their kids have left home, and Janice is finding her life has changed so much, she feels dissatisfied and unhappy with her career, she feels exhausted and overwhelmed most of the time. She doesn’t really know what she wants to do, however she absolutely knows she wants to do something different!

Janice feels stuck and sad and lonely, she misses her kids, but she knows they are off starting the journey of their own lives. Janice finds herself dreaming of starting a business of some kind though she doesn’t know what, she goes round and round, thinking dreaming all the while the little voice in her head tells her to get a grip, that she can’t do anything like that, because of course she would fail! ( so says the little voice in her head!)www.julierowlands.com

She constantly battles negative feelings of not feeling good enough, not knowing enough, not doing enough.

Eventually she ‘parks’ the idea and settles for doing what she has always done.

Now let me introduce you to Sarah:

Sarah is also 52, she has been married to her husband Simon, for nearly 25 years. They have 2 children, a son and a daughter, both nearly grown.

Sarah is a trained teacher, and works part time. She has struggled for years with mild depression and anxiety, and has always secretly felt like there is something wrong with her, because although she has tried and tried for years to keep her marriage going, the relationship is still very difficult and hard to understand. Sarah feels invisible and lost, she is at the end of her tether. She feels she cannot continue trying. Her husband Simon is an enigma to her. To others, he is friendly and outgoing, he is chatty and generous, however at home it is a different story.

Sarah’s husband is a controlling, anxious, and angry man at times, with strict rules on how things should be done, and he expects her and the kids to do things his way, unquestioningly, which has led to huge conflict between Sarah and Simon and also with the kids. Sarah has learned that it is best not to aggravate him, as he reacts badly and goes silent and cold for days on end. She feels that he often doesn’t seem to notice her, he is distant and off in his own little world of sports, TV and work. The communication between Sarah and Simon is limited and conversation or emotional connection is non existent.

Sarah runs the home, organizes their social life (which is minimal)  finances and the kids needs.

Somehow, Sarah is unable to find the strength to make the tough decision to leave, or make changes. She loves her husband and worries that he may not cope without her to organise him as he seems unable to do so many everyday activities.

Sarah is feels constantly exhausted and she has decided that once the kids have gone, it will be time to end the marriage.

She feels stuck, she has somehow lost herself and does not know where to turn, she feels lonely,unheard and dismissed. Her self esteem is in tatters, and some days she struggles to get herself to work.

Her friends tell her she is very lucky to have such a ‘nice’ husband, and to be grateful and ‘suck it up’! this makes her feel even more alone as she feels there is no one really who understands…

Quite by chance Sarah meets someone who suggests Simon may have something called Asperger’s syndrome. She did some research, asked Mr Google, and whamo, the light comes on and suddenly it all makes sense!

Similarities between Janice and Sarah?alone

So what are the similarities between Janice and Sarah?

  • They both have overwhelming stress in their lives.
  • They both are beginning to suffer from stress related health issues.
  • They both feel stuck, unable to make any decisions, they worry about what family and friends would say should they make big changes.
  • They both feel very alone.
  • They both have lost themselves after years of caring for others, and don’t have a clue where to start to make changes.
  • They are both bright, compassionate, intelligent women who are unable to get out of their ‘stuckness’, and have settled for a life where they are not able to fulfill their potential.

This is where I can help!

Why? Because I understand personally the problems both these women are dealing with.

I have been there and I have come out the other side so I know how to make the changes that are needed.

I know you need to have support! a bit of hand holding and a bit of guidance.

I know you need to have proven strategies to help and at times, a listening ear to vent to!

I also know it is not easy, however it is possible, and I encourage you to take the first step, if Janice or Sarah sound like YOU!

I can help you rediscover the Who in YOU.

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Lets find the WHO in YOU

How I can help you?

    I will help you to become the

‘Wise and Wonderful Woman’

I know you to be!

My Focus is to help you to be NO 1 in Your life

AND

Reconnect with yourself

Take back your life!

take the step that could change your life.

How long will you wait?

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