Dealing with the Big ‘D’

The big D? aka depression, aka big black hole, aka that awful lost, confusing sadness, when you don’t know what to do to get yourself together.

You feel alone, sad and isolated, and find it hard to think of a way forward or see that anything can possibly change, AND, you just don’t have any energy to do anything even if you could!

The huge challenges inherent in Aspie and NT marriages are draining, emotionally stressful and usually long term, so without practical strategies that support you, and help you to look after yourself, there is a much higher risk of developing depression and anxiety.

Of course most of us get ‘down’ and feel sad at times, its a normal response to dealing with life’s ups and downs.

What I am talking about is something different, I am talking about that gnawing aching sadness that just will not seem to shift, despite your best efforts. That horrible feeling that keeps you immobile, paralyzed and stuck for weeks.

How do you know if you are clinically depressed?

The medical definition of clinical depression includes:

  • feeling low and sad for more than 2 weeks,
  • loss of appetite or increased appetite
  • not wanting to do activities you previously enjoyed
  • feeling isolated, lonely, sad for extended periods of time
  • poor concentration
  • lack of energy, feeling tired all the time
  • thinking about death or imagining that others are better off without you.

If you have experienced any or all of these symptoms for more that 2 weeks, I implore you to seek help.

Here’s a link to some fantastic FREE resources developed here in New Zealand, so check them out,

While there are some really great self help activities listed below, that you can do to help yourself, if you feel you need more help and support, please visit your doctor or health care specialist.

So what can you do to help yourself?

Some suggestions that I have found helpful include:

  • Get moving! get out for a walk or go to the gym, what ever works for you, even if you feel like you can’t, trust me, once you are out there you will feel much better!
  • Meditation, try a guided meditation to start with, if you are new to meditating, I love Leonie’s guided meditations,
  • Bach flower remedies. Over 70 years ago, Dr Edward Bach, a noted physician and homeopath, developed a system of 38 plant based remedies that each impact on a specific emotional and mental state. These little gems can be personalized to help you feel better, by identifying what emotional state you are currently in. Available online and in health dispensaries.
  • Talk to a trusted friend,  the old adage, a problem shared is a problem halved, is so true, make sure you talk through your concerns, share your worries, often talking about them getting it out of your head helps immensely.
  • Write a journal, This is my absolute favourite, I would be lost without my trusty scribblings, find what works for you and do it. there are no rules just write, draw, or even doodle regularly. Getting it out of your head and onto the paper is magic!
  • Focus on being grateful, Get yourself a big jar, and every day write something you are grateful for, on it, and post it in the jar. Every few weeks, read them all! ( thank you to one of my Amazing Biz colleagues for this wonderful idea)

Please please please, take action and get help if think you are clinically depressed.

Love and hugs

Julie x

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