Extraordinary Self Care for YOU!

Extraordinary Self Care for you!

 

I have learned from personal experience the importance of focusing on my own self care, and here is where I get to share some of the gems I have learned.

After becoming burned out, depressed and overwhelmed after years of caring for my adult daughter who has high needs autism, I realised that if I was to survive, mentally and physically, I needed to learn better ways to look after myself.

I began a journey to learn in my heart, what I had learned intellectually, but not really put into practice!

Throughout my daughter’s life, I have been determined to support her to be the best she could be, and in that process, I tried to do everything myself. In effect I put everyone else’s needs first and basically lost myself in the process. Very common for Mums, especially when you have special needs child.

Here today I want share with you some of the tips and tools I have learned that have helped me to become the Wise and Wonderful Woman I am today! (wink)

So what is Extraordinary self-care??

For me It has become when we prioritise what is important to us, put ourselves at the top of the list, and make sure we are ok.

Wait! Isn’t that being selfish?

Nooooo!!!, in our society we are often made to feel bad or wrong, if we put our own needs before those of our family friends and sometimes even the dog!

I have learned that unless you do take care of you, there often is no -one else there to pick up the pieces when you fall apart.

So why do we need to practice extraordinary self care??

The benefits of extraordinary self-care are huge, here are some of the main ones:

  • We are more able to help others around us because we have more energy
  • We are able to commit to things we believe in
  • We feel less overwhelmed and stressed
  • We make better choices
  • We become more healthy
  • We learn to tell the truth to ourselves
  • We learn to say no in healthy ways
  • We feel more in control of our destiny

So how we to get started?

I suggest that you pick one thing of the list below and practice it until it becomes habit, then move to the next one.

My view is always:set yourself up to win!

Watch the video below where I talk more about how to do this

 

(In the interests of those who seek perfection, please note, this is not where you will find it, I have published this video despite the obvious blips, to show you that I am definitely not striving for perfection, and that is ok for me, this is me being the imperfect soul I am 🙂 )

 

Top tips for Extraordinary Self Care

  1. Non-negotiable rituals. Create some rituals or habits that are non negotiable, and that support you to live your best most conscious life. For example you could try-  mirror work, meditation, yoga, walking, EFT(emotional freedom Technique) or tapping to name a few.
  2. Boundaries. Create a set of rules that define what you no longer will accept in your life. For example, limit negative behaviours around you, or allow toxic people who drain your energy, in your life. Its ok to say no to something you don’t want to do.  Explore the thinking patterns that sabotage you, and make you feel bad, and change them. It really can be that simple. Awareness is the key.
  3. Make time for leisure. Remind yourself of the things you love or did love before you got so overwhelmed, and create space in your schedule for ‘Me time’..Often people say they are so busy and don’t have time, my answer to that is you can always take 10 minutes. Even 10 minutes is enough to give yourself a break.
  4. Health and wellness – Have a look at your diet, are you eating healthy foods? What about your exercise routine? Got one? if not consider starting something that is achievable, perhaps a daily walk around the block or take the kids to the park. Make time.
  5. Ask for support. We are often afraid to ask for support because that could be a sign of weakness, and means that we are not coping and are somehow failing. Not so, in fact it is actually a sign of strength to know when to ask for help and to accept it. Success people will often tell you that part of their success is being part of a group of like minded people.
  6. Journal writing. This is a very useful tool in my world, and without it I think I would have gone bonkers long ago. There is something very healing and powerful about getting the thoughts out of my head and down on paper. It may not end up sounding coherent or clear, however just the act of writing for me certainly helps me feel more rational and calm. It is also a great way to document your life’s journey, for those of us who like to review how far we have come!
  7. Close friendships. Sometimes it is hard to maintain close friendships when life is so busy, Prioritise time with your bestie. Having that emotional support is crucial to keeping you healthy and whole.

With all these ideas it is about deciding to change and creating a plan to get there, as I said, set yourself up to win.

For more on learning how to be wise and wonderful and use some of the tips I share, contact me

Forgiveness – a gift to yourself

‘How can I forgive when it still hurts so much’?

You know how sometimes it feels so hard to forgive someone who has hurt you, or treated you badly? Or how difficult it is to get over something that you feel has made your life so much harder? You feel so justified in your anger, so self righteous with your pain and anguish, and so upset over whatever the incident is that has caused you so much grief? This can be especially challenging, if you have been hurt repeatedly and this is just another incident that has added to your pain.

Anger and frustration become ‘stuck energy’, and you can’t seem to let them go no matter how hard you try. You find yourself mulling over the incident or the ‘story’ of what happened, and with each telling the pain is worse.

I know how that feels, as I also have felt like that at different times in my life. I know the pain of rejection and the pain of feeling like you will never ever be able to move on from this overwhelming feeling of hurt and upset. You go round and round in circles and end up feeling worse and worse.

What I also know is that long term anger and resentment is destructive if not addressed.

Our emotions are neither good or bad, they are what they are, it is how we deal with them that causes problems.

For example, If you don’t deal with your anger in appropriate ways and keep stuffing it down or away,  it eats away at you from the inside out, and eventually, (speaking from my own experience) comes back to bite you on the backside, often in the form of depression and anxiety or stress related illnesses.

So what is the solution?

The solution sounds simple although it truly can be one of the most difficult lessons we have to learn.

The solution is forgiveness.

  • forgive the person who hurt you,
  • forgive the situation that occurred and continues to cause you pain.
  • forgive yourself

As Louise Hay says in her book ‘You Can Heal Your Life’, ‘forgiveness is about setting yourself free, because, by holding on to resentment and anger we only hurt ourselves. No matter how justified we feel we are to have our resentments and hatreds it still hurts us. We cannot bring good into our worn lives as long as we are sitting in our prisons of self-righteous resentment.

For our spiritual growth we must rise about our need to stay hurt and let go of the past.

Forgiveness is truly a gift to yourself. And miracles happen when we forgive or are willing to forgive.’

Below you can listen to Louise sharing a wonderful meditation that will guide you through an exercise which will help you to release old anger and hurt and move on to forgiveness.

I love this gift from Louise, it truly is powerful and healing meditation, and I hope you will love it as much as I do.

Take the time to listen, and notice how wonderful you feel at the end.

Until next time

Julie x

 

Simple Soul Care Rituals to enrich your life

Simple Soul Care Rituals – What are they?

Most of us thrive on simple routines. Think about your morning routine, I bet you would never leave the house without cleaning your teeth or combing your hair? I am also willing to bet that sometimes you don’t even remember doing those things, yet they obviously get done!

Use this idea to your advantage!

Create some Simple Soul Care Rituals that will nurture you and support you – after all, you are important, you are seen and you are visible!

Simple Soul Care Rituals can sustain us when we are feeling out of whack or not quite ourselves.They can become the activities that we do without thinking, and all the while the benefits of doing them can impact hugely on our lives.

By learning to do these Simple Soul Care Rituals as suggested in the video below, you will notice that you FEEL better, FEEL calmer and more present.

I believe it is so important to learn ways to nurture ourselves, to create time to think and process what is for most of us is a hectic, and busy life. Once you have a regular Simple Soul Care Ritual in place you will find that your stress levels will decrease, and you learn to handle stress in a better calmer way.

Life does not need to be a continual lurching from crisis to crisis. Life needs to be filled with joy at the simple things. Learning Simple Soul Care rituals is about giving you and your mind – the space to see and appreciate that simplicity.

Watch the video here:

 

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Sent with love and light

Julie x

 

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Join the

Heal Your Life Louise L Hay Hawkes Bay Meetup Group

Come along and join me in a safe nurturing environment while we share discussion and ideas based on the  philosophies of Louise Hay.

These monthly gatherings will allow you to :

– learn new ways to find more joy and abundance in your life

-learn to love and nurture yourself

-realise how how amazing you are

-release limiting thoughts/beliefs that hold you back

-learn simple ways to relieve stress and feel happier immediately

-understand how your body and mind are connected

-meet others on the same wonderful journey.

What to bring: Journal/notebook, pen, sense of humour, an open mind and heart.

tea and coffee will be provided.

Monthly on the 4th Tuesday of each month.

Follow this link to sign up today.

 

 

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Magic of Meditation Made Easy

Magic of Meditation

For today’s post, I would like to quote the king of meditation himself, Andy Puddicombe- ‘When was the last time you did absolutely nothing?’

No texting, playing with your phone, reading, stitching (for those of us with a stitching obsession…) or even thinking?

For me, learning to meditate has been the single most important change I have made in my life in the last few years. It has helped me to control the depression, and anxiety which has I realise now has been present in varying degrees for many years, as well as create space in my mind to work through the issues which have contributed to the depression in the first place.

Besides that, it has been a great way to ensure my thinking is clear and my mind is open to the new ideas and opportunities in my life. I continues to amaze me how this regular practice has given me a different perspective on things that in the past would have turned me into a tearful, anxious blubbering mess.

How is it that such a simple thing as quietening the mind for 10 minutes+ a day can be so beneficial?  Watch Andy’s TED talk and he can tell you himself.

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I  hear lots of people say that learning to meditate is hard, that it is complicated, all that sitting around navel gazing and being still….

Really at its most basic level, you can meditate by sitting still, staring at a candle, and asking yourself a simple question like “what do I need to do?” and listen for the answer. Your higher self will answer.

Trust me, be still and listen and you will be surprised at what you learn.

If you feel you need a more structured way of meditating, try out the Headspace app available on your phone for Android or IOS.

You can watch the gorgeous Andy, (founder of Headspace ) on his inspiring TED talk. 

 

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There are also lots of wonderful guided meditations on YouTube. I love Louise Hay’s morning and evening meditations.

Try out meditation regularly, and I know you will feel the benefits in your life.

sent with love

Julie x

Fear Busting for Wise and Wonderful Women

Hello Wise and Wonderful Woman

Lets look at some Simple Fear Busting for Wise and Wonderful Women just like you!

The Big F word, is sometimes what stops us in so many areas of our lives.

In this video I talk about 3 things you can do to beat fear and get yourself in a motivated space to achieve your goals.

I also talk about a simple acronym you can use, to help you to step over your fear, and surge ahead with the power just bursting to get out!

What is your biggest fear?

You might be surprised to hear that others have the same fears and worries, and that in fact you are not alone, weird or strange.

Sometimes just voicing your fear can be hugely liberating.

It can shift the grip that the hidden fear has on your heart and help you to move forward.

with that in mind I thought I would be crystal clear and share my one of biggest fears….

I am terrified that someone will come along and realise that I really am the twerp I sometimes think I am!

I’m basically an ‘extroverted introvert’!! if that makes sense, and so doing a video, and talking about what I know to be true is pretty scary, and while it is in no way perfect, I am doing it, and for me that is huge.

there you are, I told you mine, now its your turn…

Watch the video, and if you feel inclined,

I would love to hear your thoughts,

so drop me a comment in the box below.

Be kind though, as I am new to this 🙂

Love and light

Julie x

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New look and new beginnings.

Hi Wise and Wonderful Woman

Today lets talk about new beginnings, a new look, – and an ending!

First, the ‘new beginnings’.

You may notice that the website is looking a little different lately. That is because I have thought long and hard and decided to re-brand my business.

What that means is that Fast Forward Coaching is morphing into Julie Rowlands Coaching.

This may sound like an obvious thing, however for me it is like stepping out of the clouds into beautiful sunshine, as I become more of myself, giving more of myself and being the person I want to be.

Now, more than ever is the right time to share the knowledge accumulated from over 30 years of living up close and personal with autism.

This has been an evolution of sorts and now it feels right to be offering my skills to others in the form of coaching, support, community and sharing.

What does this mean for you?

It actually means that what you see is what you get. Warts and all.

A new look – to the website and to the blog.

I have changed the look and feel of the website to reflect more of what I am offering and what I stand for.

The colour purple is the colour of imagination, future and dreams, and for as long as I can remember it has been my colour! so it seems doubly appropriate that it fits so well with my change of direction.

It means I will be sharing more of what it takes to create the life you want, the life you deserve.

I will be teaching you ways to face the challenges along the way.

wise and wonderful woman
Wise and Wonderful Woman

Learning how to push through, and make things happen despite the huge obstacles that can get in the way. Blocks like depression, anxiety, stress, health issues, loss and grief can seem huge and insurmountable. however when you have the right support you can change that. I know, I have been there.

Learning to live with autism in the family adds a whole different dynamic to life, a dynamic that is unlike anything you will ever experience until you do. I know that is double dutch, however for me it is true.

I have learned it is not the challenges you face it is HOW you face them and WHAT you learn from them that will make you stronger and more resilient.

Learning to accept and understand what you are dealing with in your life, whether it is autism, mental health issues, physical health issues, relationship difficulties, or any other challenges you can name, is the key that opens the door to more joy, happiness, laughter and fun.

I believe once you give yourself the space, the time and the nurturing in the form of what you actually need,  you begin to make sense of the challenges you face AND you can move forward, and change anything you want.

My focus is and always has been to teach women Simple Soul Care Solutions, so create a life of Maximum Energy and Minimum Stress.

From now on this blog will be devoted to my offerings to support you to create the life you absolutely love, whether you are in a long term relationship with someone who has aspergers, or struggling with the 3 O’s in your life,  This is the place you will find the support, love, and practical tips and tools to help you move ahead.

Hope you will join me.

Check out some of the newest offerings right here

Till next time

Love and light and new beginnings!

Julie x

By the way –  the ending? this is me publicly proclaiming there will be no more procrastination, limiting beliefs, assumptions and plain negativity from blocking either you or me from being the wise and wonderful women we are!

How meditation can change your world

Have you ever experienced the peace and calmness that regular meditation can bring?

Like alot of people, I had tried plenty of times to learn to meditate and like lots people with plenty of good intentions, but no real commitment, I was keen for a while and after a short time had let it go thinking I just couldn’t spare the time or get it right!

I also have to say I was pretty skeptical! However, I am glad to say I was wrong! and  I am now a devoted convert!

I realise my mistake was I did not persist enough to make it a habit!

Why is it that ‘bad’ habits seem so much easier to cultivate? the ones like not exercising, drinking and eating too much, and the ‘good’ habits are so much harder to keep going??

I spose like everything, it is about finding a way to make it work for you, and persisting until it does become a habit.

I remember when starting out with my exercise habit, some days it was like I was never going to make it stick, and others it was easy.

I think it is when you can’t imagine your life without the habit you have created, that you can say definitely that it has stuck.

The trick to getting it to stick is to start out small, and gradually and regularly increase the time you do the activity.

Today I want to share with you, something that has become an integral part of my life, a sustaining and self nurturing  habit, one that has changed my life immeasurably.

A Regular Meditation Habit.

First, I invite you to watch this short video, all 10 minutes  of it, featuring former Buddhist monk, Andy Puddicombe, the creator of Headspace and the gorgeous calming ‘voice’ behind all the meditations.

When I first watched Andy and his TED talk I was immediately inspired, I couldn’t wait to download the Free Headspace app for my phone, and to try the FREE’ Take 10′ series.

I am happy to say that from then on, I have been hooked.

The Free app makes meditation easy! and the cute and colourful animations explain everything you need to know.

I seriously LOVE easy!

You can get the app at headspace.com

So what has changed since meditation became part of my life?

  • Using the techniques I have learned, I have been able to weather the difficult emotional times following the sudden loss of my Mum.
  • I have learned ways to stay calm and focused, and to put myself in a place where I am able to see a different perspective.
  • The regular meditation has allowed me to de-stress, think more clearly and creatively.
  • Meditation has allowed me to notice and change patterns of unhelpful thinking.
  • Anxiety and stress and worry have reduced markedly.
  • I also have noticed that others around me a calmer…perhaps a flow-on effect?

Research has shown that regular meditation can actually change the brain in many ways, reducing the effects of aging and cognitive decline, (that has to be a good thing!) as well as increasing the amount of grey matter and conductivity within the brain.

Other benefits include increased creativity, compassion, as well as the well documented decrease in anxiety, stress and depression symptoms.

All of the above are great reasons to begin a regular meditation practice –  so why not start today?

Download your free app and get going!

Disclaimer: I do not get anything from sharing this info, I just LOVE sharing helpful stuff 😉

 

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Having an accountability partner can help with creating new supportive habits.

Working with a coach can help you sustain your new habits and change your life.

Try Skype Coaching with Julie

15 Days to Freedom Blog Challenge Day # 5 Let it go!

let go photo
Photo by symphony of love

Let it go…

Oops! dropped the ball a bit on this blog challenge! however, I am not one to give up! Patience and persistence are two of my best qualities, so onward we go!

Day 5 challenge is about letting go….

Letting go of at least one habit which is not serving you well and creating a brand new habit!

For the record! The habit I am letting go of is: (critical disclosure here!)

STOP beating myself up when I drop the ball!

Ok, so that is one habit which definitely does not work for me!

Lets look at creating a new one to replace it….

Did you know it actually takes up to 60 days to create a new habit?

I am surprised it takes that long! all the more reason to make sure it is something you really want as your new habit! So think carefully!

How can you keep yourself accountable for your new habit, and so increase the likelihood of you continuing with it? In other words set yourself up to WIN!

When you want to create a new habit, it is really crucial that you are persistent and patient,and you must find a way to keep yourself on track!

This last year I have created a new habit which has changed my life, increased my fitness and helped me maintain calm, in the roller coaster that is my life.

bikram yoga  photo
Photo by SOMBILON ART, MEDIA and PHOTOGRAPHY

How I did I do that?? first of all, I realised that I needed to change what I was doing, that other forms of exercise were not working well for me!

I felt tired, aching joints and sore, with no energy or stamina. In short, I thought my days of touching my toes were OVER!

I was wrong!

My new habit is bikram yoga. I have talked about this before on this blog. If you are looking for a way to exercise every part of your body, as well as tone and shape it, and work on your mind at the same time, this is it.

How do you stay on track?

  • Set yourself up to win
  • Add an appointment on your google calendar
  • Add an alert on your phone to remind yourself
  • Organise yourself in advance.

Now… for the record, my new habit for this year is:

To meditate every day!

So far so good, watch this space.

I have 2 questions for YOU.

  1. What is one habit you will let go of ?
  2. What is your new habit to replace it?

Love to hear your thoughts,

Drop me a line below

Julie x

 Join the community

Meanwhile, if you feel like talking to other women like yourself, and at the same time, help me build our community,

join the Wise and Wonderful Women’s Soul cafe

check out the link here